Instead of a progress report, I am going to hit it a little more emotionally because there is a lot of emotions wrapped up in what I am doing. While I am training, it is hard - really hard at times. I feel like a can't breathe when I run, my arms and legs get tired and I start to suck in water when I swim, and on the bike I have to constantly remind myself to not give in to the pain in my quads - push through it!
This week has been more emotionally draining than others - theres a lot going on - for one, Chip is out of town. I've realized he is such a strength for me even through this training - I pull from him when I'm tired and feel like I can't do it on my own - I know he is rooting for me.
The second reason is it is HOT. Colorado is experiencing record breaking heat this week, so it is really hard to stay motivated through trainings when its 90 degrees by 9:00am. Sweat pouring, the sun beating down, cotton from the cottonwood trees flying everywhere - sticking to your face, strong winds blowing HOT air swallowing you up as you try to catch your breath... not my favorite things. But it is what it is. I keep telling myself "This will only make you stronger..."
An amazing friend (Missy!!!) is watching the kids while I train this week and I am SO thankful for her. I was so nervous for Chip to be gone - afraid that if I didn't get to train I would revert on the progress I have made, so she is truly saving me this week.
He is a hunk :)
On Saturday I was training with my friend who used to be a women's cross country coach - she had some great tips and helped me push through the times when I wanted to quit. About halfway through our run, I noticed some pain in my right shin. I didn't think much of it, stretched it out and we went on our way. Later that day, I saw a lump under my right knee on the top of my shin. It doesn't hurt to the touch, is hard, and I have no idea what it is from, but my knee is doing some funky things as of now. The bump is still there, I have a gnarly clicking in my knee that wasn't there before, and it does bother me some when I am walking around. Yesterday after my swim I had a run planned - about 5 minutes in, I knew something was wrong so I decided to call it a day. This morning I did a 12.6 mile bike ride and had NO problems with it. I am going to rest for the remainder of today, take tomorrow off (its an off day anyway) and resume my swim and run routine on Thursday. Hopefully things will be better by then because I am determined to push through it and get it done!
In lieu of all of the heat and frustration, I continue to come home with a new fastest pace every time I train. Today I thought for sure my stats would be lacking due to the tough ride I had, but I set new records all around. It is really hard to stay focused and motivated during the training, but when I see the end results, it gives me encouragement for the next time. I can do this.
I saw this on Twitter today and it describes exactly how I feel...
Go find something you can't do, something you're scared of, something you know nothing about. Now go become good at doing exactly that.
I want to become "good" at triathlon. I want to push myself until it isn't something I fear and know nothing about, but something I love and embrace. My reasons for "why" have already evolved and I am only in my 4th week of training.
- I feel good. I am so much less stressed than I normally am about kids and life. My mental and emotional health are great - I am steady and happy. PMS who???
- I feel strong. My legs, my abs, my arms, and my mind are all getting stronger by the day. I feel those muscles growing, and I experience my mind becoming stronger than my circumstance with each new day of training - I can do this. I can push through.
- I feel young. Ok, so I am almost 32... not "old" by any means, but I am starting to feel like a younger version of myself. My body is getting back into shape - and will soon be in better shape than ever as my stamina and endurance continues to grow and reach new levels in this sport. I've never been a distance athlete. In swim team and in soccer it was all about the sprint. Building my endurance, although very hard and tiring, is making me feel better than I have in a very long time.
- I am able to give. Being a stay at home mom can be one the more tiring and draining professions in this life. You are constantly giving and never getting anything for yourself. By the end of most days, I would feel totally spent - like my tank was on empty. Now I have energy at the end of the - because that is when I normally train, because my mind is healthier, and because exercise is just GOOD for me! Good forYOU! Good for the people I love! Sure, my body feels tired here and there, but I am finding that after almost a month, I am adjusting to the 5 days a week training schedule. Next week begins 6 days a week.... that will take a little bit of time to adjust again, I am sure. But I know I can do it!
- I am seeing results. Now, I am thin. I know that. I have, except for when I was pregnant with my children, been the exact same size as I was in high school...still shop at the same stores and buy the same size jeans. I thank my parents and grandparents for this, because God knows I haven't done my part to maintain. My goal in doing this is NOT to lose weight. I don't need to. However, I do want to be strong. I want to have some muscle definition and to be tone all around. I want to look like an athlete - I see those women a lot around here - you look at them and just know they could crank out a marathon or 50 mile bike ride right then and there. It isn't that I am comparing myself to those women, because I am not, but I know based on how they look that they are endurance athletes. The hours they put in on the bike and running, even swimming, show. They're not only strong on the outside, but they are strong inside as well - you cannot be an endurance athlete and be of weak mind. It pushes you both physically and mentally. Endurance athletes are over-comers. That is what I want... I want to feel that strength both inside and out.
Until next week...