Ruts.
(a fixed or established mode of procedure or course of life, usually dull or unpromising: to fall into a rut.)
We all have them. They sneak up on us from behind, clinging to our backs, pushing us down until we are lying helpless on the floor. Ok, so maybe that is a little dramatic, but I sure have felt that way before. Like there is no way out. The energy I need to complete my tasks just isn't there to pull from, so there I am, on my own and lacking the will to do what I should. Cleaning house and doing laundry ruts happen often for me. I get into ruts with my writing - I am in one now, hence the reason for this post. Relationships suffer. My husband gets the leftovers when he should be getting my best. Even worse, I find that when I am in a rut, my spiritual life takes a back seat to everything and nothing.
When I am feeling down and the stresses of my life seem to weigh heavy, the last thing I want to do in all honesty is take time out to pray and read my Bible. That may not be what you'd expect to hear from a pastor's wife, but it is the truth. I have had many days, especially lately, where I just don't feel like praying or journaling. I had a day not too long ago when I was going to write in my prayer journal only to see that the previous entry was the exact same prayer I had in my heart to pray that day. Turns out I have a lot of entries over the course of the past year or two that bear resemblance. On this particular day, instead of trying to see the silver lining, in true rut-fashion, I got angry and decided that I wasn't going to pray. God had heard my request time and time again, and I was tired of talking to him about it. I know, this sounds extremely mature, but it was how I felt.
Honesty is good.
Something I am learning is that God wants me to be honest with him. Even if I am upset, or feeling down - he already knows what is going on inside of me, so I may as well open myself up to having those conversations with him. When I don't understand why the prayers in my prayer journal have yet to be answered, it is ok for me to express that to him. If I am feeling blue or am down for one reason or another, I don't have to pretend everything is ok for him. He knows me - every part. Being real and honest in my relationship with God will only deepen it.
Growing up I developed the mentality that everything had to be right and when I went before God, I needed to have on a good face - I would feel guilty when I experienced depressed days, or if I started to question anything about what he was doing, or not, in my life at the time. My relationship with God was driven mainly by guilt and fear. He doesn't want that at all. He has called me his daughter. As a daughter, I know that I can go to my father on good and bad days and let him see me as I am, not as I pretend to be, and still experience his love, goodness, grace, and kindness towards me. He desires my honesty and is ok when I question or get upset. He wants to teach me things through those times that I otherwise wouldn't be able to learn.
I want to lose the masks.
I don't want to wear a mask in front of anyone, especially not my Father. I don't need a mask because he loves me just the way I am! He is the one who created me, after all. It is a process - both church culture and the culture we enter as soon as we start school is full of people-pleasing that results in a bunch of mask-wearing men and women walking around.
I saw a tweet Donald Miller sent out this week that went like this "The fear of 'being yourself' is akin to people pleasing (and in my twisted way, pleasing God). Don't worry about it. Jesus won't be asking a jury to chime in."
Those words were pleasing to me. God created me. He loves me and knows me better than anyone else ever could. He loves me through my ruts, as well as the most productive and happy times of my life.
What would our churches look like if we all began to live real life in front of each other? No masks. No fake smiles. Just the family of God that we are, coming together to worship and do life.
Thursday, March 21, 2013
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Becoming and Advocate
Sometimes you see and injustice and it strikes such passion you cannot escape it.
There are some injustices in life that strike a passion within us and bring us to action. For me, human trafficking is a big one. In Colorado we are working with Sarah's Home (check out www.rmdc.org for more details) which be one a very few places in the country that will house and help bring restoration to young women rescued out of human trafficking.
Another injustice that struck passion inside of me was Project Prevention at the LA Dream Center (www.dreamcenter.org) when we were there last summer. Project Prevention works alongside the state of California with open cases to help families at risk of losing their children to the foster system due to extreme cases of poverty, regardless of the fact they with a parent or parents who love them, to meet basic needs so that those children are able to stay with their families. As a mother, this was so amazing for me to see. In America the average family is a mere two paychecks away from being homeless. Facing the fact that your children could be taken from you due to impoverished situations beyond your control is heart breaking. The Dream Center has prevented this from happening in so many families and even saved the state of CA hundreds of thousands of dollars, which is amazing and continues to open doors for this to continue.
Other times, it is your own circumstances that cause you to do something.
If you read back to the blog I posted at the end of 2012, you will read about our daughter's struggle with life threatening food allergies. Two nights ago was our second time taking her to the emergency room and having to administer a shot of epinephrine to save her life. Tuesday night I gave her some "safe" chocolate and after a few bites, she (a very bright 3 year old) began to cry saying, "Mommy, I can't eat these!". She began coughing and hives began to pop up on her face and ears immediately. Turns out the way the chocolate was packaged was how the exposure happened. They were contaminated with peanuts and tree nuts, and who knows what else on her long list on known allergens. Those trace amounts caused a reaction that could have taken her life had we not acted. I read about everyone on their gun control soapboxes and screaming about the fact that "guns are killing our children" (forgetting to mention the almost 500,000 babies that were killed in utero via abortions last year alone, but I digress).
My child can die from food.
Peanuts. Tree nuts. Eggs. Milk. Beef. Garlic.
Any of the above, even in trace amounts, can take her life. I realize from experience that unless you have a child with life threatening food allergies in your family, often times you are naive to how seriously fatal food can be. Even though the exposure the other night was under our care, when I was in the hospital waiting while they monitored her until 1:00am, I began to think, "If we (her father and I) don't, who will?" It is our responsibility to spread awareness to everyone we can about the severity of life threatening food allergies and how to prevent exposures, and how to act should you see someone having an anaphylactic reaction to food.
What are some things that you wish you knew about food allergies?
What are some things you would like to share with others about food allergies?
There are some injustices in life that strike a passion within us and bring us to action. For me, human trafficking is a big one. In Colorado we are working with Sarah's Home (check out www.rmdc.org for more details) which be one a very few places in the country that will house and help bring restoration to young women rescued out of human trafficking.
Another injustice that struck passion inside of me was Project Prevention at the LA Dream Center (www.dreamcenter.org) when we were there last summer. Project Prevention works alongside the state of California with open cases to help families at risk of losing their children to the foster system due to extreme cases of poverty, regardless of the fact they with a parent or parents who love them, to meet basic needs so that those children are able to stay with their families. As a mother, this was so amazing for me to see. In America the average family is a mere two paychecks away from being homeless. Facing the fact that your children could be taken from you due to impoverished situations beyond your control is heart breaking. The Dream Center has prevented this from happening in so many families and even saved the state of CA hundreds of thousands of dollars, which is amazing and continues to open doors for this to continue.
Other times, it is your own circumstances that cause you to do something.
If you read back to the blog I posted at the end of 2012, you will read about our daughter's struggle with life threatening food allergies. Two nights ago was our second time taking her to the emergency room and having to administer a shot of epinephrine to save her life. Tuesday night I gave her some "safe" chocolate and after a few bites, she (a very bright 3 year old) began to cry saying, "Mommy, I can't eat these!". She began coughing and hives began to pop up on her face and ears immediately. Turns out the way the chocolate was packaged was how the exposure happened. They were contaminated with peanuts and tree nuts, and who knows what else on her long list on known allergens. Those trace amounts caused a reaction that could have taken her life had we not acted. I read about everyone on their gun control soapboxes and screaming about the fact that "guns are killing our children" (forgetting to mention the almost 500,000 babies that were killed in utero via abortions last year alone, but I digress).
My child can die from food.
Peanuts. Tree nuts. Eggs. Milk. Beef. Garlic.
Any of the above, even in trace amounts, can take her life. I realize from experience that unless you have a child with life threatening food allergies in your family, often times you are naive to how seriously fatal food can be. Even though the exposure the other night was under our care, when I was in the hospital waiting while they monitored her until 1:00am, I began to think, "If we (her father and I) don't, who will?" It is our responsibility to spread awareness to everyone we can about the severity of life threatening food allergies and how to prevent exposures, and how to act should you see someone having an anaphylactic reaction to food.
What are some things that you wish you knew about food allergies?
What are some things you would like to share with others about food allergies?
Monday, February 25, 2013
I Wanna be a Rockstar Mommy
Some days I am so on. Waking up feeling refreshed, making sure breakfast is made and lunches are packed. Through the chaos of getting out of the door on time, I don't freak out. Not even once. I even had time to shower and get dressed before we leave.
Most days I am so off. Hearing the alarm but wishing I could have thirty more minutes, throwing together some cereal and OJ after the kids have been up for who knows how long making messes in their rooms, packing lunches in between sips of coffee, rushing to get everyone, except for myself, ready. Making the school drop off with hair thrown back, glasses on, wearing sweatpants and Uggs. Yeah, this is more like my normal.
I wish so much that I had it all together...the way so many of my friends seem to do from the outside looking in. Always feeling like I am on top of my mommy and housewife game instead of feeling like there is constant catching up, without actually ever catching up, happening in my life. I wish that I felt like cooking every meal. I wish that I kept my home cleaner. I wish I were a rockstar mommy.
I know you're out there - the perfect housewife and mom who always looks her best, the kids are so on schedule, the house is always clean. I would love to be you. But I am not. I like to sleep as long as possible in the morning. I am creative and scattered and things may look a little cluttered from time to time. I am not a fan of house work, and most days my home reflects this. Although I don't mind cooking, most days I am just throwing something together based on the ingredients found in the pantry, because I definitely did not do any meal planning. I daydream, I watch movies with my kids, we sing and color and play all day long when we are home.
I made a resolution to wake up thirty minutes earlier this year. That lasted a week. Maybe. I want to try to cook and plan for meals better, but I have a daughter living with six, yes SIX different life threatening food allergies for which we carry an epi pen and have had to use epinephrine to save her life in early December 2012, and she is picky on top of that, so most days I just figure out what she will eat, and that is what we go with, and her list of "go-to" foods is rather short.
Nothing is what I would picture it to be in my head. Most days I feel like I am just scraping by. Of course I want some things to change, and as my kids get older and daily and weekly circumstances become different than they are now, that will most likely happen, but for now, here we are. I am not a rockstar mom. Not even close. But I love those two kids more than anything else and I think they're having a good time. I try to protect their innocence at all costs, and teach them to love others unconditionally, just like Jesus loves us. I tell them they are beautiful and handsome and that they deserve the absolute best for their lives, because it is true. I speak encouragement and life over them every chance I get. Sometimes I fail. Ok, I fail a lot, but my hope is that they won't remember the failures. That they will remember the fun they had and grow up knowing who they are, not caring to conform to the world's standards, or compromise themselves in any way, because of what they learned in this home, from our family, and what they see in me as their mommy.
Do you have things you wish you could change about your daily life? About parenting styles? Have you come to realize it is what it is, and are embracing the mess and the clutter?
I'd love to hear your thoughts...
Thursday, February 21, 2013
I Don't Want Programs. I Want Jesus.
One of my favorite quotes by one of my favorite authors is:
"I need Christ, not something that resembles Him" - C.S.Lewis
Think about that. Our world is FULL of spirituality. Many of the people you encounter from day to day practice some type of religion, or hold to a certain belief system, yet they are far from the one true God. That is because so much of the spirituality is resembling truth, but comes up empty in the end.
Even in our churches (little "c"= the building) we find this to be true at times. The people appear to have it all together. They appear to be in love with Christ, but as soon as they leave the church building, that fizzles and dies out, leaving them looking just like anyone else throughout the week. Maybe they try to live a works-based life with their lists of "do's and don'ts" and they never quite measure up, so they stay discouraged. Maybe, even though they attend church from week to week, they wait like a helpless baby for the pastor to "feed" them with a spoon on Sundays and never do anything to produce spiritual growth throughout the week, so they just bounce back and forth between two places, never truly knowing what it means to be a follower of Jesus. Something that resembles Christ, but certainly is not...
Or maybe it is the church's "programs" that never change from week to week ( Welcome, upbeat happy songs, slower sad songs, offering, announcements, message, altar time, dismissal) that make us think that we are spiritual and help us feel close to God. Heaven forbid we change anything from that order.... that would no longer resemble Christ. Right? Now, nothing is wrong with the programs churches have in place, but when we focus on the programs and service order instead of Jesus, we have it all wrong. I guarantee that Jesus doesn't care so much about the programs. He just wants His bride to encounter Him. And that does not happen because of any man-made schedule, but because the Church (Big "C"= the PEOPLE. The Bride) come together in unity and get hungry for God to move among them. He moves during and throughout the programs set in place when people worship Him. But how often to we stifle what He really wants to do among us because our focus is on what man has set in place?
My generation, "Millennials", overall could care less about the programs. As a matter of fact, most would find them as quite the deterrent. Possibly why only 9% of Christian millennials attend a church on a weekly basis. This is the generation that is missing from our corporate worship settings on Sundays. This is the generation that sees no need to come and be part of the programs when they can experience God in their homes. The generation whose unchurched likely will never grace your fellowship's doors. They will not come. We have to go to them. They don't want programs. They have been hurt by the programs and the people who run them. They have been given lists and lists of "What Not to Do", and "How Not to Live", having never experienced the love and good news that Christ died for us all to have. They don't need programs. They need Jesus.
The mindset that God will only move if your church service or worship set look and feel a certain way is about as far from truth as possible. If we feel that way, then the programs have become our idols. We are no longer worshiping Jesus, but we are worshiping what man has set in place. That is a scary place to be.
I don't want the programs. I want Jesus.
"I need Christ, not something that resembles Him" - C.S.Lewis
Think about that. Our world is FULL of spirituality. Many of the people you encounter from day to day practice some type of religion, or hold to a certain belief system, yet they are far from the one true God. That is because so much of the spirituality is resembling truth, but comes up empty in the end.
Even in our churches (little "c"= the building) we find this to be true at times. The people appear to have it all together. They appear to be in love with Christ, but as soon as they leave the church building, that fizzles and dies out, leaving them looking just like anyone else throughout the week. Maybe they try to live a works-based life with their lists of "do's and don'ts" and they never quite measure up, so they stay discouraged. Maybe, even though they attend church from week to week, they wait like a helpless baby for the pastor to "feed" them with a spoon on Sundays and never do anything to produce spiritual growth throughout the week, so they just bounce back and forth between two places, never truly knowing what it means to be a follower of Jesus. Something that resembles Christ, but certainly is not...
Or maybe it is the church's "programs" that never change from week to week ( Welcome, upbeat happy songs, slower sad songs, offering, announcements, message, altar time, dismissal) that make us think that we are spiritual and help us feel close to God. Heaven forbid we change anything from that order.... that would no longer resemble Christ. Right? Now, nothing is wrong with the programs churches have in place, but when we focus on the programs and service order instead of Jesus, we have it all wrong. I guarantee that Jesus doesn't care so much about the programs. He just wants His bride to encounter Him. And that does not happen because of any man-made schedule, but because the Church (Big "C"= the PEOPLE. The Bride) come together in unity and get hungry for God to move among them. He moves during and throughout the programs set in place when people worship Him. But how often to we stifle what He really wants to do among us because our focus is on what man has set in place?
My generation, "Millennials", overall could care less about the programs. As a matter of fact, most would find them as quite the deterrent. Possibly why only 9% of Christian millennials attend a church on a weekly basis. This is the generation that is missing from our corporate worship settings on Sundays. This is the generation that sees no need to come and be part of the programs when they can experience God in their homes. The generation whose unchurched likely will never grace your fellowship's doors. They will not come. We have to go to them. They don't want programs. They have been hurt by the programs and the people who run them. They have been given lists and lists of "What Not to Do", and "How Not to Live", having never experienced the love and good news that Christ died for us all to have. They don't need programs. They need Jesus.
The mindset that God will only move if your church service or worship set look and feel a certain way is about as far from truth as possible. If we feel that way, then the programs have become our idols. We are no longer worshiping Jesus, but we are worshiping what man has set in place. That is a scary place to be.
I don't want the programs. I want Jesus.
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Too Much of a Good Thing...
Too Much of a Good Thing....
... Rarely remains a good thing. Of course, there are things that I could do all day, everyday, and feel like I would never grow tired of it, like hanging out with my family, laying on an exotic beach all day, traveling, snowboarding - although my legs would get tired, and it would end badly. But the majority of things we fill our time with, are pretty mundane and meaningless in the grand scheme of things.
Social Media...
Though it is fun to "keep up" with old friends, family, and in some cases, acquaintances without actually having to talk to anyone (eh-hem), it has skewed what friendship and connection should truly look like. For me, there are many friends and family that I used to call and email, but just don't do so anymore because I feel like I know what is happening in their lives based on what I see on my News Feed. In that, the one thing that truly matters has been removed from the equation... each other. I am no longer "connecting" with the people I care about when our relationship has been boiled down to status updates.
*** Social Media can absolutely be a good thing - for businesses, churches, and networking, it is vital.
For me, it has become a habit. I admit it. Whenever there is a lull in conversation, or I am sitting in a waiting room, even watching a movie on our couch, I find myself scrolling through Facebook on my iPhone. Not because I am bored with my company, but because I have trained my mind to do so over the past few years. I am missing real life because of it. Moments with my children that should be focused fully on them, are instead spent with half of my attention on them, and the other half scrolling through meaningless (no offense, really.) status updates.
Facebook is not real life. Real life is in those moments that we are more than likely missing because of our social media addictions. And it isn't just Facebook - there is Pinterest, Twitter, Instagram, Vine, Snap Chat (which I would not advise allowing your teenagers to have this one)...the list goes on and on. For me, Facebook is the one that takes up too much time, and often, I find myself getting upset and disappointed over updates posted, or pictures put up for the world to see (Seriously, folks, once it is out there in internet-land, you can never take it back. You have no idea the way certain things can and will affect your future). But really, how silly is that? Facebook getting to me? Lame.
Action
I have talked about deleting my Facebook for a long time, but have held on until now so that friends and family out of state can keep up with our kids. Twitter is so much more user friendly, and FAR less time consuming that Facebook. I am going to keep my twitter handle @traciearly , as well as my instagram: traciearly , and of course this blog will remain up and running for more in depth details as far as what is happening in our lives.
Too much social media...
For me, has become a bad thing. I want to simplify things once more. I know I could just refrain from checking it, but I don't need it, so I am letting go. Not to say I will never reactivate my Facebook, but for now, I am walking away. I am happy to do so. What freedom can come from cutting out the (unneeded) things in life that consume our time!
... Rarely remains a good thing. Of course, there are things that I could do all day, everyday, and feel like I would never grow tired of it, like hanging out with my family, laying on an exotic beach all day, traveling, snowboarding - although my legs would get tired, and it would end badly. But the majority of things we fill our time with, are pretty mundane and meaningless in the grand scheme of things.
Social Media...
Though it is fun to "keep up" with old friends, family, and in some cases, acquaintances without actually having to talk to anyone (eh-hem), it has skewed what friendship and connection should truly look like. For me, there are many friends and family that I used to call and email, but just don't do so anymore because I feel like I know what is happening in their lives based on what I see on my News Feed. In that, the one thing that truly matters has been removed from the equation... each other. I am no longer "connecting" with the people I care about when our relationship has been boiled down to status updates.
*** Social Media can absolutely be a good thing - for businesses, churches, and networking, it is vital.
For me, it has become a habit. I admit it. Whenever there is a lull in conversation, or I am sitting in a waiting room, even watching a movie on our couch, I find myself scrolling through Facebook on my iPhone. Not because I am bored with my company, but because I have trained my mind to do so over the past few years. I am missing real life because of it. Moments with my children that should be focused fully on them, are instead spent with half of my attention on them, and the other half scrolling through meaningless (no offense, really.) status updates.
Facebook is not real life. Real life is in those moments that we are more than likely missing because of our social media addictions. And it isn't just Facebook - there is Pinterest, Twitter, Instagram, Vine, Snap Chat (which I would not advise allowing your teenagers to have this one)...the list goes on and on. For me, Facebook is the one that takes up too much time, and often, I find myself getting upset and disappointed over updates posted, or pictures put up for the world to see (Seriously, folks, once it is out there in internet-land, you can never take it back. You have no idea the way certain things can and will affect your future). But really, how silly is that? Facebook getting to me? Lame.
Action
I have talked about deleting my Facebook for a long time, but have held on until now so that friends and family out of state can keep up with our kids. Twitter is so much more user friendly, and FAR less time consuming that Facebook. I am going to keep my twitter handle @traciearly , as well as my instagram: traciearly , and of course this blog will remain up and running for more in depth details as far as what is happening in our lives.
Too much social media...
For me, has become a bad thing. I want to simplify things once more. I know I could just refrain from checking it, but I don't need it, so I am letting go. Not to say I will never reactivate my Facebook, but for now, I am walking away. I am happy to do so. What freedom can come from cutting out the (unneeded) things in life that consume our time!
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Cultured...?
What. Is. Culture. ?
For those of you who may not know, my husband and I are in full time ministry at an amazing church here in CO. We have lived here for 5 and half years, and before this move, although I had lived in other countries, and even other states (other than NC - where I grew up) for a year or two here and there, I was always in a sort of bubble. There was the very obvious difference in culture living in El Salvador, but in the states, I didn't always recognize it.
In churches, we hear the term "culture" to describe those living outside of the church world. A progressive term for "secular" is really what it has become. My thoughts are stirring from this... the term "culture", especially as we use it in the church world, is so very relative. Culture in life, churches, systems, changes between small towns and bigger cities within the same state, between different states there are cultural differences based on what the main influences of that area may be, and when you take a look from region to region, culture changes significantly. Sometimes so much that a seemingly similar culture, such as the church for example, may not have many things resembling one another. From the outside at least.
In the South, people (not everyone, but in general...) have twangy accents, they love sweet tea, fried foods, good home cooking, they have been four wheeling/off roading many a time for fun, they have played in creeks, swam in rivers and lakes on the regular, have attended Chicken Stews and Fish Fries, and most everyone has had a vacation at Myrtle Beach at some point in their life. :-) Southerners know what hospitality is, they are sure to use their manners, the women typically don't leave the house without makeup or fixing their hair. Its not uncommon to see someone in WalMart with heels on, and regardless of how they may live throughout the week, church is a norm. Hence the "Bible Belt" nickname.
If you were to attend an evangelical or charismatic church in the South, you are sure to see a variety of music being played along with lots of clapping and moving and hands being raised. During the sermon, you will hear a choir of "amens" and even a pause from the pulpit here and there for some clapping when the pastor makes a good point. At the altar call (usually a formal call to prayer to the congregation), you can look around and see many people crying. All of these are great things. They are how church culture works in the south. It is beautiful to experience.
It is not, however, how church looks everywhere else.
When we first came to Colorado, it was a huge culture shock because people weren't clapping and moving and expressing themselves the way we were used to. After some time, we began to realize that it was less of the emotion that we had grown up with, and a lot more reflection. Expressions of worship being more internal than outward. Growing deeper each day, still. It is very beautiful to experience.
I appreciate different cultures, and sub cultures. No one "culture" (church, or secular) will look the same when you cross regional boundaries. At the heart, however, both are maturing, growing, developing.
My point is, we talk and talk about culture. How it should look, how we believe culture thinks, etc. We may understand culture within our own bubbles or areas of influence, but we have to remember that no one culture or sub culture is alike. The way it looks and feels for you, may not be the way it looks and feels for someone across the city, state, or especially the country. Because its not the way you, or your church, or city does it, doesn't make it wrong. Just makes it different. Embrace our differences. Don't point fingers, don't condemn, don't assume you know the "right" way to think, feel, express oneself, or do something. We all are a part of the kingdom of God, all doing life a little differently, but at our core, we are the same. Don't confuse inward reflection for apathy, or outward expression of being too emotional.
Find freedom to worship the way you, as an individual, were created to worship and live.
And remember, culture for you is quite possibly very different from the culture being lived and experienced around the country, and for certain, around the world. We mustn't lose ourselves in our own cultural bubbles.
For those of you who may not know, my husband and I are in full time ministry at an amazing church here in CO. We have lived here for 5 and half years, and before this move, although I had lived in other countries, and even other states (other than NC - where I grew up) for a year or two here and there, I was always in a sort of bubble. There was the very obvious difference in culture living in El Salvador, but in the states, I didn't always recognize it.
In churches, we hear the term "culture" to describe those living outside of the church world. A progressive term for "secular" is really what it has become. My thoughts are stirring from this... the term "culture", especially as we use it in the church world, is so very relative. Culture in life, churches, systems, changes between small towns and bigger cities within the same state, between different states there are cultural differences based on what the main influences of that area may be, and when you take a look from region to region, culture changes significantly. Sometimes so much that a seemingly similar culture, such as the church for example, may not have many things resembling one another. From the outside at least.
In the South, people (not everyone, but in general...) have twangy accents, they love sweet tea, fried foods, good home cooking, they have been four wheeling/off roading many a time for fun, they have played in creeks, swam in rivers and lakes on the regular, have attended Chicken Stews and Fish Fries, and most everyone has had a vacation at Myrtle Beach at some point in their life. :-) Southerners know what hospitality is, they are sure to use their manners, the women typically don't leave the house without makeup or fixing their hair. Its not uncommon to see someone in WalMart with heels on, and regardless of how they may live throughout the week, church is a norm. Hence the "Bible Belt" nickname.
If you were to attend an evangelical or charismatic church in the South, you are sure to see a variety of music being played along with lots of clapping and moving and hands being raised. During the sermon, you will hear a choir of "amens" and even a pause from the pulpit here and there for some clapping when the pastor makes a good point. At the altar call (usually a formal call to prayer to the congregation), you can look around and see many people crying. All of these are great things. They are how church culture works in the south. It is beautiful to experience.
It is not, however, how church looks everywhere else.
When we first came to Colorado, it was a huge culture shock because people weren't clapping and moving and expressing themselves the way we were used to. After some time, we began to realize that it was less of the emotion that we had grown up with, and a lot more reflection. Expressions of worship being more internal than outward. Growing deeper each day, still. It is very beautiful to experience.
I appreciate different cultures, and sub cultures. No one "culture" (church, or secular) will look the same when you cross regional boundaries. At the heart, however, both are maturing, growing, developing.
My point is, we talk and talk about culture. How it should look, how we believe culture thinks, etc. We may understand culture within our own bubbles or areas of influence, but we have to remember that no one culture or sub culture is alike. The way it looks and feels for you, may not be the way it looks and feels for someone across the city, state, or especially the country. Because its not the way you, or your church, or city does it, doesn't make it wrong. Just makes it different. Embrace our differences. Don't point fingers, don't condemn, don't assume you know the "right" way to think, feel, express oneself, or do something. We all are a part of the kingdom of God, all doing life a little differently, but at our core, we are the same. Don't confuse inward reflection for apathy, or outward expression of being too emotional.
Find freedom to worship the way you, as an individual, were created to worship and live.
And remember, culture for you is quite possibly very different from the culture being lived and experienced around the country, and for certain, around the world. We mustn't lose ourselves in our own cultural bubbles.
Monday, December 10, 2012
Becoming Real...Life With Food Allergies
If you've ever wondered what its like for someone with life threatening food allergies, here is a peek into that life...
-Every time we go out to eat, we have to make sure beforehand that the establishment has special accommodations for food allergies. There needs to be a separate frier, grill, they have to be SURE no cross contamination happens (no allergen foods or gloves or utensils will touch the food Amery consumes).
-We have to be sure that there are foods, that a 3 year old will eat, that are 100% free from peanuts, tree nuts, milk, eggs, beef, and garlic. I'm not sure how often you read ingredient labels, but this is no easy task. Some places the ONLY thing she can safely eat, are the french fries.
-Birthday party treats? Cake? Cookies? Treats? Ice Cream? Most foods you eat everyday? All can potentially take my baby's life.
-If any of us consume ANYthing that she is allergic to, we have to wash our hands and avoid giving her kisses until we have made sure through rinsing, etc, that all traces of allergens are gone. Otherwise, just from our hands or mouths touching her, she will get hives.
-Traveling? Not until we know that we will have safe places for her to eat along the way, and when we have reached our destination.
-Basically, everywhere we go, everything we do, we are on the defense. What would you do if everywhere you went, there were "weapons of mass destruction" so to speak, that could take your life at any given moment?
This is our life.
At 5 months of age, our gorgeous daughter, Amery, had her first food related allergic reaction. Until that point, she had only nursed. I decided one day to mix some of her rice cereal with some formula instead of milk I'd pumped. Luckily, she didn't like it and barely ate one bite. Chip walked in the room as I was burping her on my lap and asked what was on her face. I looked at her and saw hives literally covering her tiny face... and body. Within a few minutes she began to vomit, as her body was rejecting the milk. I called our doctor's office that evening when it happened and spoke with a nurse. We gave her benedryl, had her on close watch, and the next day would conduct our own little "skin test" as instructed by the doctor's office. Sure enough, the next day when i placed the smallest amount of formula on her leg, the area under and around the milk was covered in hives.
Fast forward a few months to District Council in Grand Junction. Not thinking about her milk allergy since she hadn't had anything with milk ingredients since the formula, I gave her a bite of mashed potatoes. She spat it out (I suppose she knew it was bad for her?) and within minutes, the entire left side of her face and mouth was swollen. We hurried out of the restaurant to Walgreen's where I took Amery inside so the pharmacist could see. As we were inside, Amery began vomiting... a lot. I gave her benedryl, and thank GOD she was alright after that. Knowing what I know now, she could have been a LOT worse. Thankfully those times, her little body rejected the allergen quickly so she was able to recover.
Not too long after this happened, I had cream in my coffee one morning, as I always did, before nursing her. I placed Amery in the baby seat in the bathroom while I took a shower. When I got out of the shower, I noticed through my blurry-no contacts yet-eyes that she looked different. When I got closer, her lips were swollen like the Nutty Professor. From the cream in my coffee! ...For those of you who have wondered why I drink my coffee black...here is where it started. Give up cream (along with other dairy products) or give up coffee? I chose to KEEP the coffee! Now I LOVE it black. :)
All dairy regarding Miss Amery was O-U-T.
August 12, 2010... I was fixing scrambled eggs. Amery was almost 11 months old, so I let her try some. Within minutes, just like the very first time she tried formula, she had hives all over and was vomiting. At this point, we made an appointment with the allergist. I figured if she had reactions to milk and eggs, there had to be more. And, what am I supposed to do? I'd heard each reaction can potentially be worse than the one before, so what happens when it wasn't just hives and vomiting (for those of you who are food allergy aware, this was a one time throw up deal - rejecting the food. Again, thanking God she was alright. Back then, I just didn't know what I didn't know).
Upon telling the allergist our stories, and confirming those reactions with testing, we also found that peanuts was on the list. This was alright since she was a baby and wouldn't be eating peanuts anyway, but how was I going to avoid all products containing any milk or eggs? Asher and I had been gluten free for about a year at this point - not for an "allergy" but for a "sensitivity" (There is a difference between food sensitivity, intolerance, and a life threatening food allergy. These differences have unfortunately muddied the waters for those children and adults who can die from exposure to an allergen. Much different than stomach swelling, aches, cramps, migraines, etc.) so I knew that I could handle it. Let's face it, I had no choice but to handle it. This was her life at stake.
As you read above, there are quite a few new allergens on the list. Aside from the tree nuts and peanuts (although they are the biggest allergens she has, she has never been exposed to any of these, which is pretty scary for me - they were found out through testing.) all of her known allergens were first discovered at a meal - she would have a reaction, and I would take the entire list of ingredients to her allergist and have her tested to see what the culprit was.
Every person that watches her has to be shown how to use the epi pen, should she come in contact with allergens. And, until last week, I honestly never thought we would have to use epinephrine.
I knew she had life threatening food allergies, of course, but the thought of her ever coming into contact with something was so distant in my mind. I learned a lot this week.
This past Wednesday, Amery ate a cookie with milk and eggs baked into it when nobody was looking. I am so thankful that her teachers responded quickly - this made all the difference. Chip and I were panicked since we had no clue what was going to happen. We watched her closely and within 30 minutes she went from a few hives and a swollen lip, to red and swollen all over, coughing repeatedly, and unable to breathe. I took her to the ER and almost immediately upon seeing her, they hooked her up to a monitor, weighed her, and gave her a shot of epinephrine in her arm. Amery only cried for a few seconds after her shot. Within 25-30 seconds of the epinephrine, every single symptom from the reaction disappeared. I wish I would have videoed, although that was the last thing on my mind at the time. She was nauseas for a little while, but after that passed, she was alright. We were in the ER until about 3:00am as they have to monitor for a minimum of 4 hours after a shot of epinephrine (we stayed about 5 1/2) to watch their heart rate that speeds up, and to be sure that the symptoms don't come back and a second dose of epinephrine is needed.
The ER doctor again reviewed Amery's Food Allergy Action Plan with me. This is a set-in-stone plan that everyone caring for her has to follow should exposure happen. No panicking - like i did the other night! The doctor also reiterated the fact that seconds and minutes count. She shared a story of a recent incident when a 6 year old little girl had an exposure and did not have her epi pen on hand for whatever reason. By the time the EMTs arrived to the scene, she was gone.
On Thursday, after the adrenaline wore off, I broke down. I was a basket case. The reality set in that we could have lost her if we didn't respond in time. My children, just like any parent, are the MOST precious things in the entire world to me. It became so devastatingly real how close we can be to losing her at any given moment. Over food of all things. I hate that.
Things I learned this week - Even when we think our bases are covered, they aren't. She is always at risk, and I have to live with this in mind. Although my hope is to not have any exposures, I have to live as though there will be more, and myself, and everyone that cares for her have to be trained and knowledgable in how to respond. I will not send to her to a school (EVER...or at least until she is old enough to avoid contact on her own) unless they can PROMISE me that she will not be in contact with ANY known allergens, and they have a nurse on site who is WELL trained in food allergic reactions, and of course, prevention. The only way to be sure exposure doesn't happen, is to only have safe foods around her.
Things I ask of you who are around Amery....
- Do NOT feed her ANYTHING unless Chip and I have said it is ok.
- Wash your hands before you touch her.
- Keep a watchful eye out to be sure that you don't see her with any foods that could hurt her. As a matter of fact, just let me know if you see her with any food :-)
- Remember that she is 3 and she wants to eat the fun treats she sees your child eating. Please be nice and wait until she isn't around to give your kids the things she cannot have.
- Please don't bring snacks for everyone (kids) that she can't eat. No matter what.
- And please don't seclude her or take your children away from where she is to get treats. Thats no fun.
- Please include her. Just ask me for help. Its not as hard as you may think. There are a lot of fun, easy treats she can have that all kids love (Oreos is one of them!).
- If we are somewhere eating together at a home, a restaurant, or a party, respect her boundaries. Make your children aware of these boundaries. Please don't put your child beside of Amery if their hands and face and areas around their plates are messy, or are going to be messy, with foods that are not safe for Amery. This is an exposure just waiting to happen.
Maybe I left some things out. Maybe some of those seem overboard. I don't care. Her life is FAR more important to me than anything anyone might want to eat. Everyone who has ever complained about accommodations for food allergy kids should think about that. Nothing is as important as a life. Especially not food. From here on out, I have to be "that" mom. I saw firsthand just how close we are to losing her. Since nobody, including myself, is able to watch her every single move, we have to work together to make sure she stays safe. Thank you for helping us!
I am more thankful for her precious life today more than ever before. She brings joy and laughter to everyone she meets.
This is our life.
-Every time we go out to eat, we have to make sure beforehand that the establishment has special accommodations for food allergies. There needs to be a separate frier, grill, they have to be SURE no cross contamination happens (no allergen foods or gloves or utensils will touch the food Amery consumes).
-We have to be sure that there are foods, that a 3 year old will eat, that are 100% free from peanuts, tree nuts, milk, eggs, beef, and garlic. I'm not sure how often you read ingredient labels, but this is no easy task. Some places the ONLY thing she can safely eat, are the french fries.
-Birthday party treats? Cake? Cookies? Treats? Ice Cream? Most foods you eat everyday? All can potentially take my baby's life.
-If any of us consume ANYthing that she is allergic to, we have to wash our hands and avoid giving her kisses until we have made sure through rinsing, etc, that all traces of allergens are gone. Otherwise, just from our hands or mouths touching her, she will get hives.
-Traveling? Not until we know that we will have safe places for her to eat along the way, and when we have reached our destination.
-Basically, everywhere we go, everything we do, we are on the defense. What would you do if everywhere you went, there were "weapons of mass destruction" so to speak, that could take your life at any given moment?
This is our life.
At 5 months of age, our gorgeous daughter, Amery, had her first food related allergic reaction. Until that point, she had only nursed. I decided one day to mix some of her rice cereal with some formula instead of milk I'd pumped. Luckily, she didn't like it and barely ate one bite. Chip walked in the room as I was burping her on my lap and asked what was on her face. I looked at her and saw hives literally covering her tiny face... and body. Within a few minutes she began to vomit, as her body was rejecting the milk. I called our doctor's office that evening when it happened and spoke with a nurse. We gave her benedryl, had her on close watch, and the next day would conduct our own little "skin test" as instructed by the doctor's office. Sure enough, the next day when i placed the smallest amount of formula on her leg, the area under and around the milk was covered in hives.
Fast forward a few months to District Council in Grand Junction. Not thinking about her milk allergy since she hadn't had anything with milk ingredients since the formula, I gave her a bite of mashed potatoes. She spat it out (I suppose she knew it was bad for her?) and within minutes, the entire left side of her face and mouth was swollen. We hurried out of the restaurant to Walgreen's where I took Amery inside so the pharmacist could see. As we were inside, Amery began vomiting... a lot. I gave her benedryl, and thank GOD she was alright after that. Knowing what I know now, she could have been a LOT worse. Thankfully those times, her little body rejected the allergen quickly so she was able to recover.
Not too long after this happened, I had cream in my coffee one morning, as I always did, before nursing her. I placed Amery in the baby seat in the bathroom while I took a shower. When I got out of the shower, I noticed through my blurry-no contacts yet-eyes that she looked different. When I got closer, her lips were swollen like the Nutty Professor. From the cream in my coffee! ...For those of you who have wondered why I drink my coffee black...here is where it started. Give up cream (along with other dairy products) or give up coffee? I chose to KEEP the coffee! Now I LOVE it black. :)
All dairy regarding Miss Amery was O-U-T.
August 12, 2010... I was fixing scrambled eggs. Amery was almost 11 months old, so I let her try some. Within minutes, just like the very first time she tried formula, she had hives all over and was vomiting. At this point, we made an appointment with the allergist. I figured if she had reactions to milk and eggs, there had to be more. And, what am I supposed to do? I'd heard each reaction can potentially be worse than the one before, so what happens when it wasn't just hives and vomiting (for those of you who are food allergy aware, this was a one time throw up deal - rejecting the food. Again, thanking God she was alright. Back then, I just didn't know what I didn't know).
Upon telling the allergist our stories, and confirming those reactions with testing, we also found that peanuts was on the list. This was alright since she was a baby and wouldn't be eating peanuts anyway, but how was I going to avoid all products containing any milk or eggs? Asher and I had been gluten free for about a year at this point - not for an "allergy" but for a "sensitivity" (There is a difference between food sensitivity, intolerance, and a life threatening food allergy. These differences have unfortunately muddied the waters for those children and adults who can die from exposure to an allergen. Much different than stomach swelling, aches, cramps, migraines, etc.) so I knew that I could handle it. Let's face it, I had no choice but to handle it. This was her life at stake.
As you read above, there are quite a few new allergens on the list. Aside from the tree nuts and peanuts (although they are the biggest allergens she has, she has never been exposed to any of these, which is pretty scary for me - they were found out through testing.) all of her known allergens were first discovered at a meal - she would have a reaction, and I would take the entire list of ingredients to her allergist and have her tested to see what the culprit was.
Every person that watches her has to be shown how to use the epi pen, should she come in contact with allergens. And, until last week, I honestly never thought we would have to use epinephrine.
I knew she had life threatening food allergies, of course, but the thought of her ever coming into contact with something was so distant in my mind. I learned a lot this week.
This past Wednesday, Amery ate a cookie with milk and eggs baked into it when nobody was looking. I am so thankful that her teachers responded quickly - this made all the difference. Chip and I were panicked since we had no clue what was going to happen. We watched her closely and within 30 minutes she went from a few hives and a swollen lip, to red and swollen all over, coughing repeatedly, and unable to breathe. I took her to the ER and almost immediately upon seeing her, they hooked her up to a monitor, weighed her, and gave her a shot of epinephrine in her arm. Amery only cried for a few seconds after her shot. Within 25-30 seconds of the epinephrine, every single symptom from the reaction disappeared. I wish I would have videoed, although that was the last thing on my mind at the time. She was nauseas for a little while, but after that passed, she was alright. We were in the ER until about 3:00am as they have to monitor for a minimum of 4 hours after a shot of epinephrine (we stayed about 5 1/2) to watch their heart rate that speeds up, and to be sure that the symptoms don't come back and a second dose of epinephrine is needed.
The ER doctor again reviewed Amery's Food Allergy Action Plan with me. This is a set-in-stone plan that everyone caring for her has to follow should exposure happen. No panicking - like i did the other night! The doctor also reiterated the fact that seconds and minutes count. She shared a story of a recent incident when a 6 year old little girl had an exposure and did not have her epi pen on hand for whatever reason. By the time the EMTs arrived to the scene, she was gone.
On Thursday, after the adrenaline wore off, I broke down. I was a basket case. The reality set in that we could have lost her if we didn't respond in time. My children, just like any parent, are the MOST precious things in the entire world to me. It became so devastatingly real how close we can be to losing her at any given moment. Over food of all things. I hate that.
Things I learned this week - Even when we think our bases are covered, they aren't. She is always at risk, and I have to live with this in mind. Although my hope is to not have any exposures, I have to live as though there will be more, and myself, and everyone that cares for her have to be trained and knowledgable in how to respond. I will not send to her to a school (EVER...or at least until she is old enough to avoid contact on her own) unless they can PROMISE me that she will not be in contact with ANY known allergens, and they have a nurse on site who is WELL trained in food allergic reactions, and of course, prevention. The only way to be sure exposure doesn't happen, is to only have safe foods around her.
Things I ask of you who are around Amery....
- Do NOT feed her ANYTHING unless Chip and I have said it is ok.
- Wash your hands before you touch her.
- Keep a watchful eye out to be sure that you don't see her with any foods that could hurt her. As a matter of fact, just let me know if you see her with any food :-)
- Remember that she is 3 and she wants to eat the fun treats she sees your child eating. Please be nice and wait until she isn't around to give your kids the things she cannot have.
- Please don't bring snacks for everyone (kids) that she can't eat. No matter what.
- And please don't seclude her or take your children away from where she is to get treats. Thats no fun.
- Please include her. Just ask me for help. Its not as hard as you may think. There are a lot of fun, easy treats she can have that all kids love (Oreos is one of them!).
- If we are somewhere eating together at a home, a restaurant, or a party, respect her boundaries. Make your children aware of these boundaries. Please don't put your child beside of Amery if their hands and face and areas around their plates are messy, or are going to be messy, with foods that are not safe for Amery. This is an exposure just waiting to happen.
Maybe I left some things out. Maybe some of those seem overboard. I don't care. Her life is FAR more important to me than anything anyone might want to eat. Everyone who has ever complained about accommodations for food allergy kids should think about that. Nothing is as important as a life. Especially not food. From here on out, I have to be "that" mom. I saw firsthand just how close we are to losing her. Since nobody, including myself, is able to watch her every single move, we have to work together to make sure she stays safe. Thank you for helping us!
I am more thankful for her precious life today more than ever before. She brings joy and laughter to everyone she meets.
This is our life.
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